Malaise
Someone told me they check this blog every so often for new content. I'd rather not post. But here I am.
...
I feel a malaise being alive.
No, it's something beyond an illness, beyond depression or anxiety, beyond a low point in my life. I feel misunderstood, alienated, and in turn feel the same about society. It's as if there was a parasite lurking deep underground, spreading its entrails on the surface, poisoning every(thing/one), dark yet unseen.
"Everyone is stupid" is a poisonous thought. Stupidity is but ignorance, and ignorance is the default state of living beings. Yet it grips me evermore, as even the most milquetoast of topics exposes an astounding lack of common sense in people.
Sometimes I'll catch myself thinking I don't belong here. And I don't, in a way. Maybe at another point in time, another point in space. The right man to be allowed there where he isn't needed. Just give me a little spot at the tavern, next to the fireplace. I'll stay quiet and stare at the flames. You won't even notice me.
I've done what I could, and still do what I can. But the malaise compounds with time, and I have only myself to rely on. Asking where do I go from here is pointless. The loop will continue until death.
Journalists like to end stories on a positive note. Maybe I could say there might be a strong enough paradigm shift to displace it all, someday. Something that will fix the crooked tree. I don't think so, but I've been proven wrong before.